Giving. Giving. Giving.

We were sitting by the pool at our hotel when I caught this photo of Ben. He was watching a man play with his little daughter. Earlier he took pictures of a young girl and her father at the bank where we were getting our traveler's checks cashed. Moments like this remind me of why I love to have hours of down time with my family.

Ben has developed a love for blogging and using it as a tool to keep in touch with his friends back home. Though he is thrilled not to have the routine of school, he misses his friends.

We have had a few incidents in the last couple of days which have been challenging. The one bag we checked did not make it our final destination. It appears that no one knows where it is. Tomorrow I will phone Air China and see if I can talk to someone who might be able to help me.

Also, we were duped today in a scam I've even read about. A woman caught our attention on the way to the train station and she was well-spoken and wore an "official tourist badge". She convinced us– it didn't take too much– that we should follow her and she would take us where we could buy the train tickets for the overnight sleeper to Chaing Mai. (She had lots of documents that looked official, she kept talking about our needs, etc...) Anyway, we ended up in a tourist agency, bought three plane tickets for more than we would have paid for them had I booked them myself, and a feeling in our guts that we'd been fools. The worst part is the gut-twisting knowing of being taken. We also spent an hour doing all of this when we could have been at the pool.

So...we've all mad bad decisions that we later regretted. I assume that many people are able to let go of a bad decision much easier than I am. I assume that because Dennis is sleeping right now and I'm up blogging about this, trying to find a way to let it go. Writing as therapy? I think it's what keeps me off the ledge!

Here is my rational for letting this go:

1. It was at most a $60 mistake. Allowing $60 keep me awake is ridiculous!
2. This is a good learning experience- it won't happen again!
3. It could have been worse. (at one point he'd nearly convinced us to book a hotel room for a night that we hadn't seen and I put my foot down and said No.)
4. We paid by VISA instead of cash so if something is even more fraudulent than we think we can recoup our loss.
5. Ben is witnessing everything and he absorbs the uncomfortable vibes.
6. I need to remember what the living conditions are for the people here. Many people are scraping by and that means, for some, finding a way to make money off tourists who, they rightly view, as people with money to spend.

If my mother were here, she'd tell me all these things. She'd say, Marce, it's okay. You're going to be okay. Everything will work out. I guess since she's not, I need to listen to myself.

I think a good day tomorrow will change things for us. We're meeting our World Vision child in the morning, having lunch with her and her family in the area where they live and we'll be coming back here. A good day of giving will help me, I think, to keep myself out of the centre of the universe and my anger at being betrayed out of my mind.

I keep trying to remember that I don't know WHY things happen, but I do know that they often work out better than I expect that they will.

One thing I've missed in the last few days is time when it is only me awake with my brain focused on my words. I already feel better. I'm working on my adult novel this morning. I'm happy with how it's coming along. Clearly I am a person who needs the structure of a day to keep in sorts. Traveling is a challenge, but I'm here. I guess that means that somewhere inside me I know what's good for me.

I promise further posts will not be this self-confessional, but it felt good to go on a bit.